1/2/11

WARNING: I RAMBLE

longest post ever, save yourself the time and don't read:)
So this is a new year... just in case you didn't know. I feel like this year has flown by, and for the most part, I'm glad it is over. Don't get me wrong, some great things have happened this year and I'm SO thankful the Lord allowed me to have another year with my family, friends, and husband. However, the last few months of this year have just been a struggle for me. I'm excited to kiss 2010 and some old habits goodbye and start anew. The sad thing about new years is that people (myself included) use them as an excuse to start over and "make changes" when in reality we should be doing it daily. We should strive daily to better ourselves (spiritually and physically) so that we can most glorify the Lord. I will not even try to lie and act like I don't do the same thing. As I said before... these past few months have been tough. I'm not searching for sympathy here. I mainly write to document my life so that I can read back and see where God has moved in my life. For example, I posted this POST a few months back. I rambled and rambled about how the Lord was moving in my life and how great life was (which he was and it was) and then bam. Satan pulled out all the stops. I was diagnosed with a low Thyroid. I'm not at ALL trying to play that up like I have some horrible disease. I fully recognize there are much worse things and I am blessed it was just thyroid, but nonetheless, it was (and still is) a very big struggle for me. It messes completely with my hormones, attitude, and state of mind. I have never had trouble with any of those until my thyroid decided to launch a full on attack on my body. So, shortly after that post, life got .. not so great some days. Some days I was fine and all was good and then other days my Thyroid would act up and I'd be so irritated. I've hesitated ALOT with posting or talking about it because I don't at all want to play it up or give too much detail about our personal lives, and even people close to us don't really know how badly it messed with me, but it was a strain on us somewhat and I want to give God glory through it. Josh has been nothing but absolutely positively the best Husband in the whole world. He has held my hand when I literally thought it was going to fall off (ha!) ,cared for me, prayed with me, reassured me, supported me, and comforted me. He has guided me to the Lord and used the word to help me press on. The Lord has truly used him to show me how Christ loves the Church. Josh has done an amazing job being my pastor and I'm so thankful for that. I do not deserve him at all. ....Okay, back to before, Satan had a field day with my thyroid. He used it against me in ways I would not have imagined. I have never really struggled with Spiritual warfare before so when it hit, it hit. I strived and tried my hardest to cling to the word and turn to Jesus. But I'll be honest. It was difficult. My quiet time was nothing that it should be. Some days it wasn't even there (even recently). However, I am determined to never let Satan defeat me. He can't. I'm a child of the most high and it is my job to try to be more and more like Jesus everyday. I knew I needed to be more disciplined. I did succeed in having more discipline in my life... just in the wrong area. This is my 147th straight day of working out. That's great and all but how many straight days have I had my quiet time lately..... ouch is the word! (eating better and working out does help with my thyroid and working out isn't wrong.. not what I'm saying. But I need to transfer that discipline to more important areas.. like my quiet times). I'm determined to not let Satan use my Thyroid to ruin me... however, I want to let the Lord use it to reveal more of himself to me and areas of my life that need to be more like him. Josh and I have made a commitment to each other to read the bible in a year and memorize Philippians. I know that seems like a grand resolution but it is one we are taking seriously and are doing together. I'm excited to see how the Lord uses it in our lives. I'm also determined that even when the bad Thyroid days hit, that I won't be consumed with it in that moment or let Satan use it against me, but instead... praise the Lord for it and ask how it can make me more like him. I'm going to definitely have to come back and read this post many times over to remind myself of that. But, I wanted to write all of this to remind myself months later of where I am now, what the Lord is doing right now, so that hopefully months later I can see how I've grown since now. I want to be a better christian, wife, and friend. I'm not naive. I know I'm still going to struggle and I still have low-thyroid. But I want and need to be more like Jesus and more grounded in the Word. I never wanna appear to be more or better than I really am. I am a sinner striving to be like Jesus. I will fail, I will struggle, I will not be perfect. But I have Jesus. And He is enough. He is enough. He is enough.

Thank you Lord that you never change but that you constantly give grace so that we can.

3 comments:

Ramsey said...

What a wonderfully inspiring post! Stay strong girl!

Ben and Audrey said...

thank you for sharing. i love you & i'm so very proud of you. i'll be praying for the Lord to sustain you, that He will give you grace, peace & strength to get through the hard days. He is always able.

you are a blessing.

Cassie Marshall said...

I'm curious to know more about how the thyroid problems have affected you. Sometimes I think I have some sort of imbalance as well just due to my energy level and general mood..