10/1/12

This could be the week...


40 weeks on Wednesday... Hoping that picture up there is the last one I'll take pregnant;)

This could be the week (praying the day) that I meet my son. That's a huge sentence for me. My friend, Brittany, wrote a little post about all the things she is feeling and ready for with her little one being due any day now, too. It got me to stop and thing. Whoa. My son is coming any day now. I wanted to document all the things running through my mind before my first child is born. It's a crazy emotional feeling. I want to be patient and trust in the Lord's timing, but I want him to be here SO SO SO desperately. I've thought about this sweet little boy my entire life. What it would be like to have a son, a child. I've day dreamed and wondered about what he would look like, be like, and act like. To think that this is the week (PLEASE Lord don't let me go over 40 weeks) that I will meet him is.... shocking. That's the best word I can think of to describe this feeling. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not scared because let's be real... I'm scared straight. BUT, I'm confident in Christ's timing. He has decided that I am ready to be a mother, so in that I trust. I can't wait to meet this little boy. I'm dying to know what he looks like. I'm dying to hold him. I'm dying to cuddle him and kiss him and love on him non stop. I'm dying to see Josh as a father. I have no doubt in my mind that he won't be anything but incredible. I desperately want my water to break randomly and to get to experience the joy of an unexpected arrival. I don't want to be induced next week. I don't want to wait that long to meet this little guy. I have an appointment on Wednesday, and if he hasn't come by then, I am hoping I will get admitted after my appointment. I've struggled these last few weeks with patience and trusting in God's timing of this little guy arriving. It's been an even harder last few days. I've cried several times just praying that I would have him already, then repented and praised Jesus for his perfect timing. It's been a reoccurring cycle. HA! To be honest, I'm SO over being pregnant. 39 weeks has pushed me to done. If you are not pregnant, that may seem harsh. If you are pregnant or have ever been pregnant, you are nodding your head in agreeing. The pain every where has gotten old, the sleeping conditions has gotten old, the maternity clothes have gotten REAL old, and so has the heartburn, backaches, cramps, nausea, and everything else. I praise Jesus that it all means I got to experience what pregnancy is like, but I am also praising Jesus that it's almost over;) I keep day dreaming about the realization of being in labor, the car ride to the hospital, checking in, going through procedure, getting an epidural, waiting (and more waiting), finally meeting C, and showing him off to loved ones. It's going to be bliss. I do have concerns that something could go wrong, but I'm refusing to dwell on those thoughts. Jesus is in control and sovereign. I will think about those things if they come. But not now. They aren't going to steal my joy.

I'm so thankful, grateful, and blessed to be having this little boy with Josh. Canaan, I can't wait to be your mom. My heart is overwhelmed with love for you. Your dad and I are beyond ready to see your face.

#hurryupcanaan

4 comments:

Miriam said...

Oh! I've got huge tears in my eyes as I read this! All of the things you are feeling I felt too many Junes ago! Your life and Josh's life is about to explode in wonder and joy! So happy for you! And I promise, you won't be pregnant forever! It just feels that way right about now!

annabclark said...

I prayed the same prayers last time with Liam...that I wouldn't have to be induced and that I would get to experience the "water breaking" and such. It happened for me and the experience was all I could have hoped for! I pray the same for you to happen SOON. I am starting to itch a little and I have 4-5 weeks left this time:) I know exactly what you mean--about being ready but not wanting to rush God's perfect timing. But I do pray that you will go naturally and not even need that induction! Most of all, I do pray that C arrives safe and healthy. I wish you the best this week!

Brittany said...

I'm right with you. Praying we can both go on our own & come home with healthy babies! I can't wait!!

Andrea said...

Oh, man. It's so hard when you are waaaiiting for baby to come out already!!! All the best!