This is C. In all his giggly glory. I was sitting up for a newborn shoot a few weeks back and he decided he need to be my lighting tester. I started to tell him no, as I was trying to get everything ready. And then I realized that in his little mind, this is new and exciting and I can just chill.
Tomorrow (or today, whenever it is you are reading this, On wednesday I should say) we find out the gender of this sweet babe growing inside me (read: I'm so dang anxious) and the days are dwindling of C being the only child. I've shared some of this on instagram, but I wanted to be sure and share it here as well.
The past week or so with C has been trying to say the least. He's learning to push the boundaries more and more. He's little stubborn, strong willed personality is really starting to shine. And when I say strong willed, I mean strooonnnnggg willed. I don't know where he gets it from (cough cough totally me) He's learned to open door (read: my worst nightmare), refusing to eat any food other than chips, throws fits about anything big or small, begs to go outside constantly, and has had constant bad diapers (i'll spare you the details) thus causing diaper changes to be extra special. Just two nights ago, C and I had a stand off over the dinner plate at my parents. He cried for 1.5 hours because he didn't want to eat the nutritious and yummy food in front of him. Instead, he wanted cheetos. Finally, after 1.5 hours, the kid realized that I'm the boss and things will go my way or highway and he broke down and started shoving food in. I quickly praised him for obeying and prayed the entire time the Lord would begin to teach him the importance of submission to authority. Tonight, our battle lasted only 5 minutes. Praise the Lord for small victories. Being consistent in parenting is so crucial.
I've been so convicted lately. of many things. Sitting one night with C while rocking him to sleep after a very long day, the Lord gently whispered "give it to me". We make it a strong habit to pray for his salvation and overall character. But sometimes (most times) I forget to pray for the small things because I guess I think I can handle those. Small things like diaper rashes, temper tantrums and stand offs. I've also be so convicted of how quickly my anger can get the best of me. I want so badly to be a patient, gentle, and calm disciplinarian. This is going to seem so silly to some, but I record the Duggar Family on TLC and I'm so encouraged by how Michelle (the mom) disciplines. I know they don't share all their methods, but what they do show is nothing but gentleness and calmness. Watching, I became so convicted because I can be complete opposite at times. I've noticed over the last couple of days, i've really tried to be more aware of how I talk and handle C during these times of discipline. Getting more on his level, looking him in the eyes, speaking softly but sternly. And then afterwards, praying with him about his behavior or whatever is troubling us (diaper rash). This has lead to lots more praying through out the day than ever before because like I said, the kid is stubborn. BUT, today was glorious. C was an absolute dream today. And i know most likely just one of those really good days and that it's going to take a long long long time to really implement all this, but it was like the Lord was showing me that by giving all of C to Him constantly throughout the day will only bear better fruit in his life.
Chirstlike Motherhood is not about raising a perfect, moral, well behaved child. It's about pointing my child to Christ. Constantly. It's about repenting to him when I'm wrong. It's about praying through the big and small. It's about letting them see Christ in me. It's about putting Christ before them and my husband. It's about being Christ to them. Showing them Jesus in every way I can. My kid is awfully sinful and so am I. obviously. But I'm so thankful for the grace He extends and the mercies that are new each morning.
Someone recently commented to me that they wouldn't want to have a second child at this time because their first was close to the same age as C and they were a handful as well. I'm sure this mom is a fantastic mom and will agree/believe with what I say probably (i don't even think she meant it how i received it), but the comment was so sad to me. Children are a blessing. I choose to believe that even in the times of C being an absolute pill and too much to handle, that he is still a blessing. And I just can't fathom not wanting more blessings because one of them is currently learning and growing and exploring (sometimes in negative ways). I was immediately thankful that the Lord allowed this baby during this time. Yes, I know that when this baby arrives it's going to be very hectic and crazy with two kids two and under. I'm very aware. But I would never wish any different and I'm so thankful it's happening this way. There are going to be difficulties at every stage. I will never be prepared for it. But there is grace at every stage and at each new stage of parenthood, the Lord will use it to mold me more into Him. We are waging in a war against the enemy for our son. Teaching him to deny himself and follow Jesus while the enemy and the world teach him selfishness and pride. It's a war I won't take lightly. Even at 1.5 years old the war is real. If I don't give this kid to Jesus every day even at a young age, I will fail. There will only be victory in Jesus,
Sure, C is learning to push the boundaries and this past week has been hard, but the joy he brings into our lives even amongst the chaos is overwhelming. It's far better than his worst day. I can't wait to soak up these next few months of him being our only. With his outbursts, I'm learning. He pushes me to be a better mom. We are learning and growing together. I'm not just saying this and I'm sure it will sound contradictory, but I love this stage he is in so much. He's so active. New words popping up every day. New facial expressions. New gestures. New forms of showing his love. Everything he does (besides being disobedient) brings a smile to my face. Husband and I talk constantly about new things he is doing and how much we love the little person he is becoming. He pushes the both of us to cling more to Jesus. I love that.
Little C, we love you so much. We couldn't be more grateful that you are our firstborn. We can't wait to see you as a big brother. We're so thankful for the ways you are pushing us to Jesus. Your mischievousness makes us laugh (although we try to hide that from you). Your surprise/excited face is the best thing. ever. Your activeness is exhausting but oh so fun. We are going to relish in this time of it being just us three, even if it's only for a few more months. You are always a joy and blessing.
phew. that was a lot of rambling. maybe one day when C is where I am now and He and his cute little wife are struggling in the toddler years with their first, they will read this and be comforted and encouraged. I'll just keep telling myself that;)