Finally. I finally have a few minutes to sit down and knock out this blog post as well as some editing and email responding. My two hours of both babies napping seems to go by quicker and quicker each day, so today, I woke up a little early to finish writing this before babies are up. And by getting up early, I mean Willow fussed in her sleep and woke me up. Thanks Lo. And ignore all the grammatical errors. Ain't
Okay. Adoption. Phew, so much to update. As most of you know by my last post on our fundraiser, we are starting our adoption back up! Whoop! I gave a quick recap in that post, but I'll do so here too (fingers going into mega mode now).
So we started our adoption the summer before C turned one. We completed our Home Study and all paperwork. We were approved and put on the waiting list in October. C turned one on the third. We waited and waited and found ourselves in February. By this point, I was reallllyyyy ready for another baby and frustrated we had been waiting so long. We'd had a few serious looks by 2 birthmoms but both went with families who had no children. Couldn't really be upset about that. And then, unexpectedly, but really expectedly because hello, marriage, we found out I was pregnant. AND BEYOND THRILLED. It was a surprise to us, but seriously the best surprise ever. of all time. Gosh we were so happy. We waited until I was 12 weeks along to share the news with our agency. At that time, they told us we would still remain on the waiting list until I hit 20 weeks gestation. Then we would be "paused" until the baby turned 6 months old. Oh how I reallllyyyyyy didn't want to be put on pause. I was so happy I was pregnant, but also really sad it meant not meeting my other child for even longer. It's hard to explain. The longing I have for our adopted child is just as strong as longing to meet your biological child at the end of the 9 months. But in the adoption case, it would be way longer than 9 months. More like well over a year. I was just ready to have that baby in my arms too. But the Lord is sovereign and so faithful and so perfect in His timing. So, 20 weeks came, and we were put on pause. We prepared for W and enjoyed right where the Lord had us. Willow came in October. She changed our lives with her sweet, chunky cheeks, dimples, preciousness and rolly polly arms. Gosh, I want to eat her up. 6 months FLEW by, and we found ourselves eligible for the waiting list again.
We decided to call our social worker and look into what all it would entail to be updated. She told us there is a good bit of paperwork to renew/update, doctor visits and physicals to have redone, and my favorite, 2 new large fees to pay. When we were paused, these fees did not exist (they were put into place while we were paused). While it stinks to have to pay them, I am thankful for them. Both fees go towards helping the birth mom receive the best care and attention possible. Total they are $3,000. She also told us that they had several babies in interim care (where babies go after they are born but don't have a forever family yet) and several birthmoms who haven't picked forever families yet. She told us how thankful she was we were coming back into the process because they were low on families open to trans-racial adoption and all of the babies in care and birthmoms in the process were of another race. Phew. That means we could potentially get a baby pretty quickly. And Willow is still so small. It's exciting and terrifying all at the same time. We got off the phone with her and felt overwhelmed by all the new information. And that we now needed $7,000 to raise because of the new fees added in (we raised/paid the other $7,000 before we were paused). We were unsure of when we wanted/felt lead to jump back into the process.
We spent several weeks in prayer over when to start the adoption back up. Originally, I wanted to start it ASAP. But when April rolled around, we had a peace from the Lord we needed to wait and rest in His timing. And that was a hard decision for me. I'm so ready for this process to get going again, but I also recognize that Willow is still so small. She still needs so much of my attention daily. Would it be fair to her or a new baby? Could I handle two that were so little so close in age? Would C be able to handle another baby so soon? But will my son/daughter be in interim care and I miss out on some milestones because of selfishness or fear to take on three under three? I felt 100% conflicted, overwhelmed, and unsure. I can't say enough how thankful I am for the Lord's guidance and my husband's leadership. While I may have been unsure, I could rest in the Lord and my husbands leadership. I know I basically just repeated myself in those two sentences, but I can't say it enough. I'm so grateful for a Husband I can easily follow because of his obedience and walk with the Lord.
We both felt peace with going slow and decided to take this time to work on paperwork, redoing our profile book, and raising some/if not all of our remaining funds. Then, at the end of June, we will reevaluate where our family is and if we are ready to be on the waiting list. So, as of now, we won't be "officially" on the waiting list until late June at the earliest (as of right now, one thing I've learned through this adoption process is to always leave my yes on the table and that there is no real "planning" to be done. So much of the time table is out of my hands and in the agencies or the Lords). I really really want to hold this baby in my arms and have he/she be apart of our family this second, but I also want to be wise in our timing and consider our other children's needs. Prayer in the area would be most appreciated. I know it will all go according to His will and plan. I'm so thankful I can rest in that. Pray for our birthmom. We long for an open adoption and good relationship with her. We want her (and the father) to be an active part of this child's life. We want them there for the birthday parties, the random Saturday trip to the zoo, and all the holidays inbetween. We know that means it could sometimes be messy, but our lives are not about our happiness. They are about our holiness and being more like Jesus. And open adoption will only draw us closer to Him, display His glory and love for the church.That's the most ideal situation for us, but it could be that she only wants a partial open adoption or a closed. And if that's the case, the Lord is still good, and we will trust in Him.
a GIANT THANK YOU to everyone who bought a Grizz shirt during our last fundrasiser. We went through two rounds of shirt orders and collectively raise $4,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT EVEN RIGHT NOW???? When we came up with the idea, we were just hoping to raise close to a thousand. Never in our wildest dreams did we expect to raise 4k. The Lord is undoubtedly good. We were/are so blown away by how the Lord moved during that fundraiser. It only confirmed that we are where He wants us to be. So, we have $3,000 left to raise. Which is a lot of money to us, but not a lot in terms of adoption. That probably doesn't make sense to some, but it does to us. We are so close!
Blah! I feel like this whole post was a blubbering mess with no clear outline or flow. HA! I guess that's what happens when you're typing like a mad man trying to fit it all in before baby wakes up. And right on cue, I hear Willow now.